i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
