Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
