It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
