Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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