first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
