I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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