She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
