Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize