The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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