she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
