you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
