in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
