haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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