clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
