Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
