make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
