The maid of honor just puked.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
