is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
