I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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