I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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