i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
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I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
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Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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