i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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