You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
