found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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