there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
and you said cock pushups were impossible
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
