I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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