my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
