The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You're breaking my sexual little heart
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
