All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize