you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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