I will die if light touches me.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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