you guys were way drunker than both of me
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
