I feel like I'm in dance class right now
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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