Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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