that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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