i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
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Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
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Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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