captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
