saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
