OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
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All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
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Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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