I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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