Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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