Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
