I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
