youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
