well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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