just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
