Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize