We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
