there was a trapeze. enough said
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
