she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
