the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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