And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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