its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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