I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
