I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
