Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
