my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
