so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
