yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Pants are for mortals
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
