I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize