My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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