Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
