I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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