My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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