So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
