Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
