Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
