i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
