I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
