ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
