I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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